Author Archives: Commander Shacklepin

The sign said, “Accident & Emergency Department “.  It might have had, added underneath, “Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Herein”, but I didn’t need to be told that.  Like anyone in Britain with any common sense, I avoid the place like the plague and can never understand why one hears of people going inContinue reading “Blog 66. You Need Hands To Stop Your Arms From Fraying.”

Saints be praised, my ship has come in. I am required, officially, to give Jane a massage every other day using warm oil. I chortled with glee and flexed my fingers when she gave me the news. Whoopee!“Don’t get any ideas, matey”, she said, fixing me with a basilisk eye.“Heavens no, my dear. I shallContinue reading “Blog 65. It Is Only A Matter Of Time.”

As I attacked the sixth pair of trousers with the steam iron, I reflected that maybe, just maybe, it had not been such a good idea to strip the boat of all our items of clothing for the duration of her period ashore. In the past we haven’t bothered, simply relying on the onboard dehumidifierContinue reading “Blog 64. Keep That Sword Sharp”

It was a typical late autumn dawn in Devonshire: cool, bleak and with just a hint of coming rain in the northerly breeze.  The sky was the colour of wet blotting paper and the sullen grey river ebbed its way past our berth, swirling with autumn leaves and the occasional log.  Huddled in my wind-proofContinue reading “Blog 63. Home is the Sailor”

Well, she is definitely going deaf. I mentioned this in an earlier blog, but I am convinced she is getting worse. I know this because I was explaining to her the difference between a bolt and a machine screw at breakfast the other day, and she said,“I can’t hear you!” Or did she say, “I’mContinue reading “Blog 62. Coal Ain’t What it Used to Be.”

“There is a snail living in that greenhouse!”“Eh? What?”.  I dragged my mind away from the newspaper account of the impending war between Azerbaijan and Armenia and tried to refocus on matters mollusc.“There must be a snail living in there! Look at the trail it’s leaving on the glass.  Just you wait.  I’ll sort himContinue reading “Blog 61. The Death of Brian”

The cardigan has re-emerged from its summer stowage and is now much in evidence.  There has also been talk of wearing vests, tights and pyjamas (not all at the same time).  As they say in the television epic, Game of Thrones, “Winter Is Coming”, but we have had a good innings this year when itContinue reading “Blog 60. Winter Is Coming”

There were no flashing blue lights or sirens: just the slamming of a solid metal door and the footfall of heavy boots pounding up the stairs.  The cavalry, or rather the paramedics, had arrived.  I had been woken at 0300 by my wife switching on the bedside lights and declaring,“My heart has been beating fastContinue reading “Blog 59. Take Two Paracetamol, Dear…”

I think we need a new boat. Not a complete big boat – that would be pushing my luck and, in any case, I am very content with the one I have – but a little inflatable boat, known as a tender. But such a goal flags up many questions: where would we keep itContinue reading “Blog 58. Tender at Heart”

I am a lark, not an owl.  I am ready for my scratcher at 2230 (coincidentally, the time of “Pipe Down” in HM Ships), but leap out of bed, both feet on the deck, bright eyed and bushy tailed, at 0630, ready to make the early-morning tea, coincidentally in time for “Call the Hands” inContinue reading “Blog 57. Stabbed by Diva Red”